Hmmm… What comes to mind when we think of an Introvert… Boring comes to my mind but there’s more to an introvert than you know. I’m going to explain a little bit about us (introverts).:
Who is an Introvert?
- Silent – They don’t like talking too much. They feel like talking exhausts their energy. Also, their silence means you are not ready to hear their thoughts.
- Going Out – They don’t like going out like parties or trips. They enjoy time alone at home with books, smartphones, computers, where-ever they could learn something.
- Group – THEY don’t like being in groups. If they are forced, they won’t talk unless asked a question or opinion or absolutely necessary. When in groups, they would constantly try to find a way to get out BUT without hurting anyone (they always consider not hurting anyone’s feelings).
- Brain – There brain is constantly working in the background even when they are silent or seem lost.
- Lies – They enjoy when you lie to them when they already know the truth; because they like reading human behavior and they’re happy that you lied so next time they won’t trust you easily.
- Perception – They perceive and understand everything you do. They can spot even a fake smile from a real one.
- Interruption – Interrupting an Introvert during a conversation is like stabbing their heart. They’ll lose interest as soon as you interrupt them as won’t feel like talking after that.
- Talk – They think every word they say that’s why sometimes it may take a little time for them to join the conversation if they could.
- Empathetic – Most introverts have a deep ability to understand you and your feelings. When you tell them something; they can exactly understand how you feel.
- Selective – Introverts are extremely selective of anyone in their lives. They choose their friends carefully.
- Friendship – Since they are selective; if they choose someone as their friend, they do their best to keep their friends close to them. Each and every friend they make is their best friend and they would do anything for them.
- Betrayal – Introverts take backstabbing and betrayal deeply but they won’t show it. Once they are betrayed or in any way hurt by anyone; They will still be friends with them but just by the name i.e they won’t consider them friends. They’re only saying it so the other person doesn’t get hurt.
- Introverts get hurt easily but they power to hide their feeling is extremely high. Once this is done, they build a wall between them and you (not literally) so they filter out most of the stuff you say and won’t believe you.
- Advice – They give awesome advice related to life. Most of us will consider it boring but trust me; the advice they give is life-changing.
- Motivation – They have an excellent source of motivation but little skill on how to apply it so if you listen to them carefully; you’ll understand them.
- They use Humor as a defense mechanism in uncomfortable situations.
- They get extremely happy if the party or social gathering is cancelled where they were scheduled to go forcefully.
- They talk to themselves a lot.
- Introverts are excellent writers so they usually write about their feelings, or chat with people excellently but when you meet in person… They may not open up as they did on Social Networks or Texts. And they hate talking on the phone except with extremely close friends or family (sometimes not even that).
Struggles of Introverts in their Day-to-Day Lives
- Small talks exhaust them. Their mind is overwhelmed by great ideas which include topics like science, art, philosophy, psychology, business, etc. This makes them feel like they are wasting their time trapped in a suffocation never-ending list of socially acceptable set phrases. All they want is a like-minded individual to bounce ideas around with about the important stuff.
- They think more than they speak. Their brain is wired to find all possible outcomes (solutions) to a problem, it takes more time than a person of average intelligence to give an opinion or draw a conclusion. If they’re not sure they have the right answer or a brilliant idea, they won’t speak at all. Because they think people might not understand them and would consider them weird or uninterested.
- Their jobs easily bore them. The need for their brain to be challenged constantly with new, greater ideas or work can turn the once exciting job into or ordinary and boring as they exhaust all ways to be creative with it. This can turn into a day-to-day struggle to finish their tasks.
- It’s hard for them to fall in love. Their quest for love is slightly demanding than that of average people. Since they are much more cautious, analytical and independent than the rest, they tend to get mistaken for cold, high maintenance and sometimes even with attitude.
- They feel alone in social gatherings but not when they’re by themselves/alone.
How to behave around them or become their friends?
- Listen to them when they speak. DO NOT INTERRUPT.
- If they are forced to be in a group; be understanding and help them come out of there. They don’t want to be in social gatherings too long even if they’re forced.
- DO NOT, in any way hurt them. Once they’re hurt by you, consider it done. Fewer chances are that you’ll recover the relationship again.
- Do things they like and consider trying to understand their hobbies. If you try to understand their hobbies by asking about them; they’ll open up to you much faster.
- Go out with him/her on long rides or walks just talking but just two of you at first so he/she will get comfortable.
- Ask advice on any topics and also ask specific questions related to something. They love helping and understanding. If they’re not familiar with the topic; they’ll research on it ASAP and make you understand because simply they love learning.
- Appreciate them for what they are. Don’t try to change them into an Extrovert.
- Most of them have low self-esteem so show them that they are valued and not alone. If you want to become their friends, be there for them when they need you and they’ll be there always when you need them.
- If they are talking and they stopped, give them at least 3 seconds before YOU start talking because they might not be finished and they need to process their thoughts and words carefully.
- If they and you are having a discussion or just talk; paraphrase their ideas so they’ll think you’re indeed paying attention and watch them getting excited to make you understand with all their heart and mind.
- The less you make eye contact with them while talking the better they’ll open up to you so just give few glances and them every minute and then. Don’t stare at them while talking.
- Let them know that you feel comfortable around them.
If you are already their friend, What to do and what to avoid?
- Share your small and daily experiences and secrets. Since they don’t have many friends due to their selective nature; they’ll feel special when you share something special with them and they’ll feel much closer to you.
- If you think you hurt them in any way; apologize with your heart as soon as possible and tell them it won’t happen again and mean it. They will forgive you. But if you let it remain without apologizing for too long, it’ll be too late and the wall (which I already talked about) would be build already.
- Value their ideas as they take a lot of time coming up with it and particularly sharing with someone. If they share an idea with you, you might be special to them.
- Don’t pressurize them to socialize with your friends or anyone. When the time is right and if they find your friends or others worthy of them; they’ll do it gradually.
- They like talking about deep and meaningful topics so do the same with them. Small talks in not their cup of tea.
- They love to read anything and everything.
- They’ll want you to be a bigger part of their lives and whenever something happens in their life no matter how big or small; they’ll share with you.
- They’ll want to do Extroverted things with you like going for dinner, a walk in the park, movies, etc if you are close to them.
- They’ll show you the vulnerable parts of themselves because they trust you.
- They will always give you honest feedback. They’ll share negative feedback with you in a way that you’ll love and want to work on it and they’ll help you.
- They’ll gradually start opening up to you in a way that there’ll be a time you’ll forget they are introverts.
- If he/she is your partner i.e girlfriend or boyfriend, they will become increasingly become more romantic as the time goes on. And they WILL NEVER EVER cheat on you.
- If you’re going on dinner to someplace, ask for the place on outskirts of the restaurant as they like quiet places.
- They are extremely funny if you are close to them.
- If you are planning for something, do it via texts or chats, not on call.
Since I’m an introvert myself and highly interested in Psychology; I know introverts about that much. I try to learn about people as much as possible. I just want to say that I, as an introvert like the things I mentioned above. Do share with me if you have anything to contribute to the topic. I would love to hear it.